Claire

We love Girl Scouts! AND, we didn’t even need to pervert our values in order for her to join, which is a requirement for membership in the Bigot Scouts of America.  Accepted into the National Junior Society - our school requires a higher gpa for admission than is required by the Society, we are proud. Getting ready for a nice, long break from school.

Reading: Nicholas Flammel, The Mysterious Benedict Society...

Tunage Of Choice: Beatles, Rick Recht

Jonas

Reading:       Trumpet of the Swan

Interests:      Carpentry, singing, art, chess, guitar, skateboarding, legos, paleontology, sea mammals.

Comments:  That Dark Fader guy is mean. I don’t think about him too much.

We went to the Tar Pits, did you know animals from the Ice Age got stuck in Target and died. It was really sad.

Are we Jewish or Connecticut?

I Am The God Of Tadpoles!

I hurt my nose and now it's all stolen..

The Farmer in the gel, the farmer in the gel...The farmer takes a wipe....

Three Kind Mice! Three Kind Mice! One-a-penny, two-a-penny, three kind mice!

Linkage We Like:

We are saddened to find one of favorite sites, You Are Damned, a bright, creative, 2007 Webby Award winner in the Kitsch category seems to no longer be in operation - Where else could you Damn a co-worker or your BFF for horrible acts such as stealing the last office muffin or not changing the toner cartridge in the copy machine. Dave, You Are Damned for not cleaning out the office microwave after your burrito exploded all over the inside.  Kathleen, You are Damned for taking my new lipstick to the office and leaving it in your desk where it melted in the sun coming through your office window...

SAVE THE DATE.    

IT arrived in the mail. Jesus-mary-and-joseph!  "Now is the time to select a date and time for your child's B'nai Mitzvah..." Everything that came after is a blur...

Exsqueze me?   Claire is 9, which means our earliest opportunity for this rite-of-passage is when she turns 12, and the synagogue wants us to select a date and time now??  With each date comes a torah portion. The two have been tied together for a few thousand years - To one of us, the central criteria in this matter of date selection, rests within the torah itself.

Admittedly one of us had earlier toyed with comparing dates and parsha.  One of us even teased the other for taking the time to consider the matter so many years in advance... One of us however understands the passage of time, how swiftly it moves - surely the next few years will also somehow elude us and we will wake to consciousness in the dressing room of Armani or Vera Wang trying to figure how it all happened as we explain to our adolescent, mensch, bat mitzvah that she cannot wear a mini-skirt and high-tops when she is called to the Torah for first time.. Okay, at least not the mini-skirt.

One of us wanted to 'help' Claire select a torah portion sans smiting or smoting, one where no animals were injured in the making of this week's Torah tale - You know, just in case Claire decides in the next few years to once again declare "I'm a vegetarian."  We thought it would be nice to create a meat free/kill free torah zone for her.  Just in case....

We settled on Vayetzei, 2011.  Details to come.    -L

Wanderings

Your Bigot Barometer - Another Inconvenient Truth

The BSA has recently removed from it’s site documents pertaining to their policy of bigotry - You’d think it might be a sign of positive change... But nooo. Alas, it has more to do with continued loss of funding and having to take their American Right to be Bigots a bit more underground, or into the closet shall we say? The info is still on the site, just requires one to do a bit of hunting - With as much litigation as they have seen in recent years theirs is a bigotry that is impossible to hide or deny anyway.

The policy as pasted below was taken directly from the BSA site by yours truly - The links below are not currently working.

Policy from the Boy Scouts Of America

http://www.bsalegal.org/morally-straight-cases-225.asp

http://www.scouting.org/media/pressreleases/previousyears/2002/020206.aspx

http://www.scouting.org/media/pressreleases/previousyears/2002/resolution.aspx

"Boy Scouts of America believes that homosexual conduct is inconsistent with the obligations in the Scout Oath and Law to be morally straight and clean in thought, word and deed..."

"Boy Scouts of America believes that a known or avowed homosexual is not an appropriate role model for adolescent boys..."

"Boy Scouts of America will not employ atheists, agnostics, known or avowed homosexuals... such employment would tend to interfere with it's mission of reinforcing the values of the Scout Oath and Law..

"In the unlikely event that an older boy were to hold himself out as homosexual, he would not be able to continue.."

What if the policy read like this instead:

Boy Scouts of America believes that Blacks and Hispanics are not appropriate role models for adolescent boys.

Boy Scouts of America will not employ Muslims or Catholics, as such employment would tend to interfere with it's mission..

In the Unlikely event an older boy were to hold himself out as Jewish, he would not be able to continue...

Fall 2008     20th Anniversary

The new school year is upon us and with it the full adornment of extra curricular activities, Cello, Kazoo, Recorder, Soccer, Swimming, Dance...  And in the midst of all the organized chaos, we are attempting to plan and hopefully execute a grand 20th Anniversary party AND Marriage ritual.

On the last day of summer vacation we loaded the kids in the car and trundled down to the Beverly Hills Court House. We stood in line and just like everyone else got a Marriage License.  The Rabbi is booked, the valet company is scoping out the 'hood for an appropriate lot, invites are due from the printer at any moment and we are trying to whittle down our already whittled down guest list, which currently auto sums at 103.

At one point I exclaimed that I had little interest in such ritual if it did not include platinum and an assortment of now un-PC diamonds.  I also feel strongly that the tradition of Marriage, founded in the subjugation and ownership of women, was rather an aberration, untidy and ugly - Our relationship has no historical ties to the consolidation of male power, the selling off, giving away of a daughter, the buying of a womb for the propagation of workers and ego.  That history does not belong to us and stepping into it's historical continuum is impossible.  On the flip side is the reality that like all things, people, culture and ritual do change, dogma is rewritten, new spirit is infused into our rites, we evolve and grow. Part of this evolution includes the choice made years ago by government when it decided to get into the marriage business. About 1000 legal rights were bundled into the civil marriage package, to make it seem more appealing I suppose.  Interesting how ya get "Special Rights" just for getting married. 

Cut from the same cloth as those who valued the Whites Only lunch counter are those that oppose our impending access to the same rights as the rest of the population.  They are same folks who will be voting for McCain and are the most tormented and unsettled in their own skin and dark hearts. They oppose the We are all created equal concept this nation was founded upon - How unAmerican to oppose equality. How unpatriotic. We make no attempt to emulate their ritual, please keep it, instead we construct our own, founded in a legacy of American values and tenacity, loyalty, love and occasionally a nice dry martini, cheers  - L.

Winter 2008 - Play On

So ends another soccer season. Today as I stood in the wind and rain at field’s edge, coughing and sneezing,  I realized how happy I am to see the season draw to a close.  The play-offs are over.  Tomorrow pizza parlors all over the southern part of the state will be over-run with kids and parents and trophies and medals and certificates.

I love soccer.  Everyone is welcome.  They don’t have any of those moronic rules demanding each child take Oath to god, or an organizational obligation to expunge certain kinds of people from the program.  In this one, everyone is welcome.  AYSO is truly a child-centered organization - Inspiring self-esteem, teamwork, ethical behavior, developing physical coordination and confidence.  It also runs their little bodies ragged for hours on end.  We like that part.

This year the girls in Claire’s age division learned a lot about  ‘marking’ which seems to sometimes manifest itself on the field as an occasion elbow jab to the gut of an opposing player.  I was shocked the first time I saw my darling, delicate, gentle, baby girl, half body slam another girl as they moved the ball up field.  Of course the Ref was occupied elsewhere on the field, no doubt trying to make sense of some offsides maneuver.  This season Claire stopped the ball with her ear and her mouth, all remedied with an ice pack. While the mouth stop did draw blood and the threat of tears, she refused to be subbed out, remaining in the game.  We also learned an important lesson about having one’s Mother make sure you are not playing while also wearing your orthodontic retainer.  Anthony seems to favor his right eye when it comes to stopping the ball.  When the boys get injured  they usually cry and roll around on the ground until asked if they need to leave the game, then they pop up and get back to it. Total Drama Queens.

Every parent in the program must volunteer.  Some act as refs, lines people, photographers, uniform coordinators, field set-up… This season (and last) I was a practice parent, no, I was not some sort of demonstration device for the players, nor was I practicing how to parent, I’ve got that roll covered three times over and then some… I was  the team parent that sits quietly on the sidelines, attending every single practice, waiting for one of the kids to injure themselves or need escort to the bathroom.  I also help remove pierced earrings, hold slimy retainers, hair-bands, Mickey Mouse watches and assorted other accoutrement a preadolescent girl might forget to leave at home before coming to practice.  The linings of my coat pockets always feel kinda funky by seasons end.

Next year Jonas will play soccer.  I cannot wait. I get very excited thinking about the tiny cleats, shin guards, teeny shorts and jersey.  I told Kathleen I want to get him a little headband he can wear ala Bjorn Borg, she said "No, too 80’s." 

Yeah, we’ll see… As they say down on the fields, Play On!   -L

Winter 2009 - Mama's Nirvana

I love the water.  Being in it, on it, under it.  My astrological sign, should you believe in such things is, a water sign. My earliest childhood memories are of being under water, watching fish in Lake Calhoun.  My father had a small sailboat we never used enough.  When my family moved to California, the house had a pool, I was first in, even though the movers were still hauling in furniture and the day was overcast and the pool heater was shut off.  I did swim team, ocean junior lifeguards, youth summer sailing, high school swim team… For my 40th birthday Claire and Kathleen presented me with a new wetsuit, I was thrilled.  I have a 9’6” longboard with flames shooting across the nose and an old 12’ Hobie.  In Hawaii I’m always first in the family to scramble across mud covered boulders and up the cliff to grab a vine and swing off, dropping into the cool, deep, tropical waterfall pool below.

A few years back I was a Teaching Assistant at the UCLA Aquatic Center.  I helped two sailors Alasdair and Peter, instruct a beginning sailing class. The courses always included capsize exercises.  For hours I would help beginning sailors literally capsize their boats, recover and get back under sail.  During the winter this exercise was brutal.  Many students would be reluctant to force their boat over and throw themselves into the chilly winter sea.  I on the other hand,  loved every freezing-my-ass-off minute of it.

I recently found myself on a small sailboat with Claire.  My first-born and a boat, on the water.  She worked the jib and proved herself able crew.  We tacked and jibed; we sat on the gunwales and hiked off the port side.  We ran wing-and-wing.  It was nirvana.  The sound of the wind spilling off the sails, the bow cutting through the waves, water moving past the transom and my Claire asking if she should release the starboard jib sheet from the cam-cleat and haul in a bit.  I had tears of joy in my eyes that day and have them now as I type this blog entry. 

Two women, on the water, working together to harness the earth’s elements.  Mama Nirvana.  Bliss.   -L

Spring 2009 - No comment necessary

Summer 2009

Chapter 20 of Exodus - Any child who insults his parents should be put to death.

Chapter 20 of Exodus - Anyone who commits adultery should be put to death.

Chapter 21 of Exodus - Any child who strikes his parents should be put to death.

Chapter 21 of Exodus - It’s OK for a man to sell his daughter into slavery. Buh-Bye little Brittanie Amber Dakota

Chapter 35 of Exodus - Work on Saturday? So sorry, so sad, death to you. It’s the law after all.

Chapter 18 Leviticus - If a man lies with another man in the manner of a woman it is a toeva (abomination)

Chapter 11 Leviticus - Eating shellfish, scallops, lobster, crab is a toeva (abomination).

Lobster pasta and two guys in a consensual relationship are of equal biblical conflict. Why don't Fundamentalists picket outside seafood restaurants waving signs that proclaim: God Hates People That Eat Surf and Turf?

Oh and what about the Work on Saturday (the sabbath) thing? Imagine, the bloodbath & chaos caused by violators.. Why there'd be no one to run the the Wal-Mart, DQ or Gun Shoppe the rest of the week... In these tough economic times perhaps folks are pickin' up some extra income by selling their daughters...

UPDATE: With the passage of Healthcare Reform I am so happy mental health services will finally be available to people so desperately need.

BLOG NOTES

Winter 2010

A ‘friend’ of mine was recently informed by a nephew that he believed marriage was god’s invention, that it’s morally wrong for government to be in the marriage business.  On some level I agree.  I am very big on Separation of Church and State.  When some folks get married they choose to have their government issued marriage license validated the by Clergy in a religious ritual.  Clergy are permitted to say: By the Power invested in me by the State of, for example Minnesota, I now pronounce you etc, etc...  Blurry lines between church and state to be sure. This tale however continues and of course degenerates... The nephew feels that since marriage was invented by god it means only heterosexuals can be married.  Oy Vey, he moved from being a pro-US Constitution kinda guy to something else, something dark-hearted and ugly.  His view opposing government endorsed marriage is merely a cloak, a lie to feebly try to cover his tracks of a spiritual self righteousness so great as to have it be undeniably the stuff of Bigotry, Intolerance, Fox News, Fundamentalist Terrorists and associated other maladies that are so often the provenance of small town, landlocked regions. 

I asked my ‘friend’ if her nephew had Divorced his wife - Since government should not be involved in marriage as he claims, then certainly he should be eager to extricate himself from the nasty, ugly government issued marriage he entered into when he bought and signed a state issued marriage license.  Seems to me, he is now morally obligated to obtain a state issued Divorce. Since government has no business in marriage I assume he and his wife are preparing their income taxes as two Single people, not as a government recognized married couple.  I assume they have NO desire for the other to receive surviving spouse benefits from social security, they will surely reject it as an extension of their high moral fiber and christly values.  I assume also that his newborn son was not born in a hospital, as such birth would create a Government issued birth certificate. We can’t have a paper trail after all.

I also assume they are storing guns, diapers and freeze dried food with a 50year shelf life in their home bunker in preparation for the tribulation. I told my Friend to urge him into his bunker... I’ll be happy to let him know when it’s safe to come out...

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